My heart, arteries and the 30-year-old version of myself I met in a dream last week all gave a sigh of relief today as noted fat fucking asshole/terrible offensive lineman Richie Incognito...
...was finally released by the St. Louis Rams, effectively lowering my game day blood pressure by 70 points.
HEGON'!
This is without a doubt the best thing that's happened to the Rams all season, and all I have to say is: What. The fuck. Took you. So long.
Sorry, I lied. That's not all I have to say.
Man I thought I'd be calling for that drive-paralyzing, 40-yard-gain-negating, pile of fat fucking shit to be handed his walking papers until Christ came the fuck back.
Shit, maybe that's was Christ was waiting for.
What did Incognito have to say for himself upon being released? Well, you know that old saying, "Close your mouth and let them think you're an idiot, or open it and leave no doubt?" Let's just say after reading this interview, I had little clue as to what the word "doubt"even meant anymore.
“My stay in St. Louis hasn’t been a glorious one from the get-go. I came in with a lot of doubts. It hasn’t been — I’m searching for the word —
Hasn't been, hasn't been...SHORT ENOUGH? Is that what you wanted to say, you head-butting, choke-holding, maliciously retarded son of a bitch? I AGREE. FUCK YOU.
"I get an opportunity to go play for a new team in a new city. I can get away from the negativity that has surrounded me, that has been surrounding my entire career here in St. Louis."
Oh, you mean THE NEGATIVITY THAT YOU CREATED YOURSELF? God dammit this guy is fucking stupid. So, what you're saying is that BLATANTLY IGNORING NFL rules time and time again, despite promising to reform my behavior and NOT ignore basic principles of sportsmanship that most children know, and costing my team 50 yards per game in penalty yards, THAT creates negativity? Get the FUCK outta here! I never knew!
“At the end of the day it’s a business decision. I’m a professional . . .
...says the guy who got cut because he couldn't stop himself from taking cheap shots at other players after the play is over. This cheap-shotting mother fucker stares people straight in the face and tells them he is a professional...I don't--you know, this guy is such a colossal fucking moron, it literally knocks the reality right out of you. I can't read anything he says without momentarily forgetting where the fuck I am.
"It’s obvious what the team needs here _ and it’s talent. It’s not a lack of coaching. And it’s not a lack of desire. It’s just a lack of talent right now."
No, what the team needs is to part itself with inept, childish hotheads like yourself who can't seem to get it through THEIR FAT, DONUT-SHAPED FUCKING HEADS that shoving players in the back and punching them in the helmet after the play (indeed, at all) does NOTHING FOR THE TEAM.
And you know, I haven't even said a word about Richie's football skills yet. I will now: HE FUCKING BLOWS. He blows more dick than Adam Lambert could ever dream of. Not only was he especially talented at racking up penalty yardage, he could also hold, false start, whiff on blocks and allow sacks better than anyone I can remember.
He was, basically, an all-around useless fuck-off. His very presence on the field destroyed any hope the team had of creating a promising drive; this is evident in the success the Rams' offense has had when he is benched or (as the Lord mercifully blessed us with earlier this year) suffering from a severe injury.
"It’s not a lack of coaching. And it’s not a lack of desire. It’s just a lack of talent right now. And they’ll get that sorted out. They’re the right men for the job."
WHY THANK YOU FOR YOUR ESTEEMED AND EDUCATED OPINION ON THE SITUATION, guy who just got cut because he fucking sucks.
Tell me, Richie, WHAT PART OF YOUR GELATINOUS, EMPTY FUCKING SKULL MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE CAPABLE OF ANALYZING THE STATE OF A PRO FOOTBALL FRANCHISE?
It amazes me that you can walk and talk at the same time, much less spew vague, worthless commentary about professional football, a business that you have had absolutely no experience of success in.
/remembers Sean Salisbury worked for ESPN
Touché, brain, touché.
Richie Incognito, I wish upon you something I would normally never, EVER wish upon any young NFL player:
I wish you would sign with Oakland.
You made me say it.
Oh, and I hope your family goes on a road trip, careens off a mountainside somewhere in the Rocky Mountains and dies in a horrible explosion, after which wolves and bears feast upon their charred remains.
Ah, who am I kidding? You'd get to the remains before the wolves and bears even have a chance.
Cheers, you fat fucking fuck.
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